This is a follow-up and practical part of the Dialog & inner dialog article. I called this final part Open dialogue because if we want to establish a connection, openness is necessary. Another name could undoubtedly be a conscious or present dialogue. Achieving presence or openness can be difficult, so the way to them is described in the following points.
- Put off projections – We project the inner world into the outer world. The bubble of an individual’s inner world corresponds to the outer bubble. Certainly external reality is not only general, but is largely projected by internal content. We project our images of femininity, masculinity (archetypes), learned opinions, descriptions of the world onto others. And if individuals meet these expectations, then they are considered good friends. If not, then these individuals are considered strangers, and if their values are totally different, they are our enemies. Leaving this assessment and being present is very difficult for the ego.
We must forget everything we know, what we’ve experienced with our counterpart (the one with whom we do not see eye to eye), and how we’ve perceived him or her so far. At the same time, it is reality that what we have learned through life shapes our biases. The ego knows how things should be, and its perception of the world dominates our perception of people. If someone we consider to be our counterpart behaves differently than usual, we are confused by it. Our mother is our mother, and we don’t have a clue about what kind of woman she is outside of how we know her in our own context. So when we uncover this unknown reality, we are afraid of what we find.
- Be present and sense what is happening – Another aspect related to impartiality is being present. It is simply not possible to have a conscious dialogue without presence. If we are not present, we project. When we project, we are experiencing fear related to seeing the opening up of what is really happening.
- Observe – Impartiality is strengthened through observation. How often do we just observe what is? Are we truly observing the other one? Are we observing ourselves?
- Avoid judging – Are we judging what is right or wrong, or how something should or should not be, etc. If we are unbiased, we can’t judge others.
- Not identifying with what is being said – An aspect of impartiality is to objectively relate to the messages of our counterpart. For example – oftentimes when our counterpart talks about his or her world, we grab onto something he or she just said. We want to relate. But in doing so, we’re not trying to understand the message, but rather being pulled off into our own identification with what is being said. We project what others say onto our own person or our own picture of the world. We immediately stand up to, or otherwise defend our picture. But in doing so, we do not perceive ourselves or others. What we must be willing to do is learn to not identify with everything, relating everything subjectively to our own person. The messages that come to us are actually rarely about us, but mostly are about the person themselves.
- Listening to the message and seeking to understand – Do we sense what the other person wants to tell us? Do we understand it, and want to understand it? What does our inner self tell us? How often do we respond to a message that comes to us? What does our intuition really tell us? Is the inner feeling based on the truth or is it just a false message? How do we know these inner messages we share are not unprocessed instincts? How does our childish behavior manifest? Do we really want to know what our partner, our heart wants to tell us?
Do we perceive ourselves based on what our inner world is hearing? What do we think about how we feel? The ego defends its description of self. But the soul says exactly what is an individual’s motivation.
- Knowing my boundaries – Here we must already know our inner world. We must know ourselves and our shadow, so that we are not controlled by it. Otherwise the shadow drags us where it wants, so that we drag others where we want, ultimately forcing them to where the shadow wants. Where does our competence end, and where does the competence of the other one begin? Where are the boundaries of our inner child? What are the boundaries of our natural instincts? When does our ego speak, and where are its boundaries?
- Respect the boundaries of others – Do we really realize that there are other human beings in the conversation who feel, think, and can even know more? Are we tuning in to another person, or does everyone have to adapt to us?
- Being on the same level – If we don’t need to assert ourselves, then we know our place. We are neither better nor worse. We need not submit nor make ourselves superior. As a result, we do not need to try to convince others.
Only then can self or more beings really meet – when impartiality, listening, and partnership coordinate together!